Modern society places a lot of emphasis on everyone having certain things in their life and one of these is finding the perfect lifetime partner. Whether or not you believe this is achievable, or even something you desire, the pressure to find ‘the one’ is in most people’s minds at some point.

If you are older and have either never settled down with someone or have found past relationships left you wanting more, you might find you have something of a ‘shopping list’ when it comes to your ideal partner. It’s common for us to think in terms of the height, weight, colouring, build, occupation and personality type of someone we might choose to be with.

But what do you bring to the table? Have you ever spent time working through your own plusses and minuses?

I don’t mean that in a self-critical way, of course. But it does take two, after all, and understanding yourself on a deeper level is critical to understanding how others might react to you and therefore the sort of people who may be attracted to you, or who may turn your head.

We pick the ones who make us feel bad

It’s important to take a moment to look at how we are wired. Our brains are wired for pain because this protects us from disappointment or danger. The drivers that make us behave the way we do are less than helpful in relationships. They tell us things like “I’m only ok if I am strong and can manage by myself” – this is the ‘Be Strong’ driver that helps us to navigate life’s challenges but, in isolation, will cause us never to trust anyone else in our lives. There are many examples of these drivers which is why we need to understand why we behave as we do when picking our partner. Only by doing so can we override these instinctive thoughts or beliefs and stop ourselves from proving this subconscious narrative right.

The stories we tell ourselves originate from our childhood experiences. What went on for us up to the age of seven will manifest in later life through fears, behaviours, doubts and more.

Time for the truth

Here’s the rub: there’s no such thing as the perfect partner. Apologies if that comes as a surprise (although I doubt it will to most) but what you might want to look for is the ‘mostly right, most of the time partner’.

My 2022 workshop schedule includes some dates to do exactly this. I can provide time, inspiration and a safe space to explore how you’d like to feel when you are next in a relationship. What do you need to bring out the best in you? And how might you do the same for someone else?

The good news is, I believe we can work with anything other than serious red flags. Providing we have these boundaries in place when it comes to non-negotiables, everything else is about understanding, teamwork and compromise.

By working through your conscious and subconscious mind, you will better understand what drives you to be attracted to others and we will then finish the workshop with a visual and creative vision board which allows you to capture the outcomes in glorious colour and texture. Creating a vision board allows you to take something home which reminds you of what you desire, what you dream of and even what you need to avoid. It’s a positive memory which can help manifest your desires for the future.

The workshop runs on Sunday 13^th February 2022, at my zen den in Oxfordshire.

If you’d like to find out more, or to book a space, please drop me a line at ali@perfect-future.co.uk